Sparring Students and an Amish Story

All through grade school, Alexis and Seth detested each other—at least that’s what they said. And it’s how they acted. I watched bemused as they drew angry sparks each time they passed in the aisle during the half-dozen years they were in my gifted class. During discussions, they instinctively championed opposite views and then rolled their eyes as the other spoke. Lunch time entertainment for their classmates was listening to Seth and Alexis spar.

At the end of my wits one day, I told them a story.

“Long ago and far away,” I said, “my mother taught at an Amish school. And she told me about a couple of her students who remind me of the two of you—always arguing.”

When my mother left that school to raise a family, those two students were still squabbling. But a decade later and far from the Amish community, my mom answered her doorbell. And standing on her front porch in Flint, Michigan, were two Amish people with their children.

The grimaces and disavowals came before I could even finish my story. But I had found a way to silence the animosity. All I had to do was recite the first few words of the story.

But one day in the last month of the last year I taught Alexis and Seth, a student came into my room with a cryptic message: Watch this.

 And it didn’t take me long to see.  Goodwill had replaced the enmity between Alexis and Seth. Through their high school years, their classmates kept me updated.

“They’re still together, Mrs. Swartz,” they’d say when they saw me in town.

 Just this week, Alexis tagged me in a Facebook post. And here’s what I read:

I recently read a book written by Phyllis Swartz, who was a grade school teacher of ours that always teased us that we would end up married someday. ♥️

In her book, she shares this beautiful reflection about young love.

“There’s a wholesome simplicity in marrying your first love. We built our lives together rather than merge them, entwining our histories early. We saw each other in our most awkward, and most exhilarating moves into adulthood.”

Sharing our first wedding anniversary today, complete with the cake we cut that special day, is yet another moment in my life that I can’t imagine celebrating with anyone else by my side.

One of my other students made a comment: Does she mail you a “told-you-so” card every so often?

I’m thinking about it!

How Miss Merkle Saved My Life

Miss Merkle saved my life. At least that’s what I thought in third grade. You can read in my memoir 𝘠𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘚𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭, about how I longed to get out of the city of Flint and go back home—to the mountains of western Maryland and my friend Gertrude and my cousins and grandparents. I wanted to drink spring water again and see the stars at night. But, to my homesick way of thinking, I was stuck in Flint. That is until Miss Merkle, the school librarian, helped me escape.

She set me free with books, by breaking the library rule of two check-outs per student per week. She must have seen my yearning for books because one day she called me into the library.

“How many books a week could you read?” she asked.

When I said twenty, she gulped and told me to stop by after school each day for more books. But, she told me, don’t tell the other kids.

In this way, Miss Merkle offered me a way out of Flint. And I traveled to other worlds. Only these worlds were safer, more like I was looking through a window. I didn’t have to talk to anyone. No one heard my mountain accent. It didn’t matter that I was wearing plain, Mennonite clothes. No one could see me. And I didn’t have to drink their water. For a few hours I could forget my yearning for what was familiar. I could dismiss the feeling of not fitting in.

But Miss Merkle’s books also offered me a way into Flint. My reading simulated emotions in me, giving me the chance to recognize and understand my feelings.  In the book Heidi, for example, Mr. Sesemenn says of the orphan who is sent away from the mountains to live in the city, “She is not fashioned for life among strangers.”

Me, either, I thought with passion, me either.

But I took quick note when Mr. Sesemenn went on to say that in the city Heidi had made some true friends, who were never so happy as when they were with her.

And this put the question before me—could I, too, make friends in the city?

Reading Miss Merkle’s books also gave me courage to understand those whose stories were different from mine. Empathy is an exercise in imagination. And practicing on characters in books helped me with the characters around me in Flint.

Fiction is, after all, about what it means to be human. And in my transition between two worlds, this was exactly what I was trying to understand.

Reaching Through the Computer to My Students

I never dreamed I’d teach a class by Zoom. Not after thirty years of pulling stools next to student desks and patting shoulders and telling, it seemed, by the very air we breathed together whether the rhythms of the classroom were working. But I was teaching a college class as an adjunct when Covid-19 crashed into education. And like teachers around the world, I was thrust into a completely different venue.

I found that on Zoom I couldn’t read the room. And I realized how much I had come to depend on the collective signals students gave me in a face-to-face classroom. Was there a restless shuffling or an alive, reflective silence? Were students tilting their heads in wonderment or gazing off into the weekend? On Zoom I couldn’t quite tell.

What perplexed me even more was how to create memorable moments. Emotion makes students care, and it anchors concepts into long-term memories. Students recall peaks and valleys, but on Zoom, I seemed to be leading them along a straight, flat line.

My feelings of inadequacy took me back, way back to my first years in the classroom. In those years, I found it hard to come out from behind my podium. But it was only when I moved into student territory that I made meaningful connections with students.

Somehow, I realized, I had to reach through the computer to my Zoom students. I’m sure there’s lots for me to learn, but here are a few ways I found to reach toward students:

  • Drop by breakout rooms. I often introduced a concept and then sent students to breakout rooms to discuss it or generate questions about it or apply it in a case study. As students worked I rotated through the rooms, partly to check their progress but also to make more personal connections with them.
  • Draw out introverts. In a Zoom classroom, introverts can hide, so set them up to speak. I ask students to write a response to a question I asked. Then I sent them to breakout rooms to read responses to each other and asked each group to select one response to read when the class rejoined. This activity and others—like the chat tool and thumbs up or down button—helped the class hear more voices.
  • Ask students not to mute. This goes against every Zoom etiquette list I’ve seen, but I found that muted students tend to be more passive and more apt to multitask. And the natural sounds of the classroom—clicking keys, pencils scratching across paper, throat clearing, and even the bark of a dog or the wail of a siren—made us seem like real people together in one space. Unmuted, students were more likely to make impromptu interjections of agreement or confusion or dispute. They were also more likely to interact with each other. And we actually began to discuss.
  • Change positions. I’m taking my computer to my rocker, I’d tell students, to read you a story of a student with autism. So change your seat, too. Get comfortable while you listen.
  • Linger after class. I learned not to end class, just to stick around as students gradually said goodbye. Often a student or two would stay—to ask a question or tell me what they didn’t want the whole class to hear.

I’m hoping to open a classroom door next year. But if I’m still teaching by Zoom, I hope to find more ways to reach through the computer to my students.

Bunch of Kids Sawing in the Cloakroom

No teacher, just a bunch of kids sawing and hammering in the cloakroom—that is one of my dad’s favorite memories from Yoder School. And this was three-quarters of a century before the makerspace movement brought DIY and school together.

“We built tractors,” my dad told me, his voice warming to the memory. “cutting the designs out of plywood with a coping saw”

They even devised a way to make steering wheels work—connecting them to tractor wheels with insulation they stripped from electric wires.

There, under the straw hats hanging from wall hooks and lunch buckets lined on shelves, they also built bird houses and, while they waited a turn with the coping saw, used a handloom to make potholders for their mothers. The cloakroom was open at recess and lunch and anytime students had completed an assignment. At Yoder School there was no restless drumming of the fingers, waiting for the rest of the class to finish.

Like today’s makerspace initiatives, the cloakroom of Yoder School was more than a space. Makerspaces are a way of thinking. More than a shop, where you learned to use a hammer, they are an invitation for kids to stop consuming and start producing. Not subject-specific, makerspaces are more about a creative, problem-solving mindset.

So what happens when kids work with raw materials, not pre-assembled kits? What’s the good of kids working alone, without handholding? Making gives kids the chance to think independently, to self-direct, to take risks, and to learn to fail.

For many people, hands are the brain’s best friend. When hands are busy putting something together, the brain is engaged. This hand-brain connection also increases mental health, reducing stress hormones and increasing dopamine, the feel-good hormone.

So I’m glad schools are filling spaces with wood and cloth and wire and cardboard and paper. I hope they keep turning kids lose to move beyond consuming to creating. Because, for most of us, studying comes easier after the hands have engaged the brain.

 

What Have I Failed to Hear?

“What have I failed to hear?”

This was the question I didn’t ask often enough during my first years in the classroom. Back then, I was too busy writing demerits and assigning detentions. All I could see was kids stomping from the room and overturning chairs and carving nasty words into desks.

So I exerted my power to squash insurrection and hoped for peace. Sometimes I managed to send resentment underground and achieve an uneasy ceasefire. But it didn’t last, because there is always something behind anger. And as long as the cause remains, frustration is sure to roil up again.

Sometimes I needed to change—to become less heavy handed with rules, less strident with my voice, or more skilled with classroom management. But often students brought rage into the classroom from the hallway or the bus or home or the courtroom.

Whatever the cause, the way through the anger in my classroom was for students to be heard and for me to learn from what they said.

“How can I be a better teacher for you?” I began to ask fuming students.

When they saw I actually wanted to know, they’d tell me. And after they saw me change, they’d often tell me plenty more besides—the raw deals of their lives, the torments of their minds, and how they felt caught in systems broken with poverty and racism and substance abuse. Hearing the anguish behind the anger almost always propelled me toward empathy and sometimes into advocacy.

At the ends of these talks, anger remained. But it was diminished. Someone was listening and responding. What they said mattered, actually made a difference.

Looking under anger to find what needs to be heard—this was perhaps my greatest weakness as a beginning teacher. But each time I managed to listen carefully, I was better able to reach past rules into relationship.

What’s a Parent To Do With a Pandemic Summer?

Camps are closing and fairs and family reunions, and the playground down the street seems fraught with hidden danger. Even that golden feeling of freedom on the first day of summer has been tarnished. Away from their friends and go-to-school routines for several months now, kids have already been languishing around the house wondering what to do next. And now the long summer looms.

How can you help kids make this summer good—to reach toward goals and to fight monotony? Here are two strategies that can help:

  • Routine—It may seem counter-intuitive, but daily habits can set kids free. Routine makes kids more efficient, bringing order to their surroundings. But it does more. Regular, repeated practice strengthens the brain. Kids play violin better, read faster, and solve problems more quickly.

I liked to tell hard-working students about the layers of myelin they were building up on the brain pathways.

“The more layers of myelin you put down, the easier it will get,” I’d say, “At first it’s like you’re traveling a muddy road. After a few more tries the road will change to gravel and then to pavement. And after a while, it will feel like you are gliding on ice.”

“If I could convince parents of one thing,” I’ve heard math teachers say in repetitive litany, “it would be to have their kids practice math facts every day all summer.”

Fact fluency, these teachers said, was a huge predictor in later math success. After all, students didn’t have to slow down complex problem solving to figure a simple math fact. And ritualistic practice was the only way to get there.

  • Novelty—If routine makes us strong, change brings the spark. Novelty wakes the brain, releasing dopamine, the feel good hormone. Usually summer comes with novelty tied up in a package—going other places with other people doing new things. But this summer is a chance for a homemade version of novelty, to show kids how to change things up in small ways that don’t take money or travel. Here are some examples:
    • Play a different genre of background music every day.
    • Reverse the order. Eat dinner and then lunch and then breakfast.
    • Put a new person in charge. Kids cook and parents do dishes.
    • Have reading suppers once a week.
    • Have a no-talking morning. The only communication is by writing and gesturing.
    • Sleep somewhere new.
    • Walk in a different neighborhood.
    • Start a family book club.

I’ve found that, when kids understand the benefits of routine and novelty, they can help make it all happen. These skills can fortify them for life and take the dullness out of a stay-at-home summer day.

What’s Good About Being Bored

My mom had a one-word fix for boredom—work. So when we had nothing to do, we didn’t bother her. Having seven children, this tactic may have been based more on self-preservation than on an understanding of the brain. But whatever the motive, her refusal to cure our boredom was a gift.

Because she didn’t rush to fill our emptiness, we learned to look to ourselves. We came to see that we, not adults, were the makers of fun. During long summer evenings in Flint, Michigan, for example, my brother and I devised our own adventure. We turned into spies. Hiding behind parked cars and dodging from bush to bush, we’d spend the entire evening trying not to be seen as we stalked our siblings and trailed our neighbors up and down the street.

Other times, boredom turned our thoughts inward. On the eight-hour car trips from Flint to Maryland to visit our grandparents, we had no electronic games and no movies. I remember pressing my face against the window as I tried to work out who I was—how living in the city was making me a different person than if I still lived in the country near my grandparents.

And every single evening, the mound of dishes to be washed and dried and stacked in the cupboard gave me a chance to choose between grumpiness and flights of fancy. With my hands in the dishwater, my mind had nothing to do but wander. As I ranged from one random idea to another, I began to make connections. From these dish-washing sessions came the first stories I ever wrote. This is the kind of imaginative thinking that comes from a mind in low-gear. No wonder some of my best ideas still come as I fold laundry or just as I’m drifting into sleep.

It’s not that my mom never played with us, never plunked paint or pipe cleaners or clay in front of us. But this was a treat, not a daily practice. Most of the time, if we even hinted of having nothing to do, she’d point to unfolded diapers, unswept floors, and unpeeled potatoes.

Pandemic Learning—How to Help Stalled-Out Kids Step Up

In some ways this pandemic has put kids more in charge.

“The cat wakes me up early,” my granddaughter told me. “So I just look at my list of schoolwork and get it done.”

As classroom learning came to a screeching halt, some kids figured out that they had more agency than before. They could use the restroom when they wanted, right in the middle of math, and without asking. They could do the hardest subject first or put it off until last.

They could take a spin on a scooter between math and spelling and eat their lunch while they read the next chapter in history.

While they wanted to be with friends and see a teacher once more at the front of the class, they had this one thing—a chance to be in charge. The executive functions of their brains were working like an air traffic control system at the airport, assessing the big picture, making choices, and ordering tasks.

But some kids have struggled. Nothing in their brains seemed to be directing arrivals and departures. They’ve needed help to develop the regulatory skills that come naturally to others. So how can you help stalled-out kids take charge of their own work?

  • Help them see it. Kids with low executive function struggle to complete tasks, but they also struggle with the stage before that—figuring out what needs to be done. The to-do list helps. It’s simple, it makes work visible, and crossing off items one-by-one feels good.
  • Help them say it. With hard tasks in front of them, kids can get lost in a sea of emotion. Self-talk, though, brings what they feel into consciousness, changing emotion into thought.

“This is hard,” they can learn to say. “But I’m going to take it step-by-step.”

  • Help them move. Quick bursts of exercise increase oxygen in brain cells and create new connections between neurons. So teach them to establish a pattern: check off an item on the list and do ten push-ups or jog around the block or jump five minutes on the trampoline. These brain boosters will help them focus on the next task.

Giving kids strategies to use on themselves helps them grow from the inside out and makes them less dependent on you. We don’t know what forms school might take for the fall. But it could well be that kids will have additional chances to regulate more of their own learning.

What To Do With a Clammed-up Kid

Just when some kids need to talk most, they clam up. When they sense danger, they retract to somewhere inside. And the more you probe, the tighter they lock their shells. And this isn’t good.

Like you, even small kids can have big feelings. Threats cause fear or embarrassment or anger to sweep over them. And the amygdala in their brains triggers their first instincts—to flee or fight or freeze. This all happens to you, as well. But you have something kids don’t have—a fully-developed frontal cortex. Here’s where reasoning and decision-making and planning happen. This part of your brain helps you talk down your fear and bring logic into the mix.

This is why your kids need you. To do for them what their brains are not yet ready to do.

If kids aren’t the clamming-up type, you don’t have to guess their feelings. You know they’re mad. They’ve got plenty to say, and they stand there and fight. By keeping cool and playing it right, you can gradually bring some sound thinking their way.

But the clamming-up kind flee into their shells and then freeze. You’re left only to guess.

Poking around doesn’t help. Like the clam, they tighten their locking muscles. So how can you find your way into the shell?

I’ve found it works better to go in the backdoor than to pound on the front door.  My favorite strategy is called joint engagement, which is just a fancy term for sharing a moment where you focus on something together. Maybe it’s a jigsaw puzzle or a bike ride. Maybe it’s doing the supper dishes or weeding the garden.

“I remember being full of dread once,” you might say as you pull out a dandelion root. Without looking at the kid, you tell a simple story. Then, just let it sit.

Or read a book aloud together. Books like Roll of Thunder and Number the Stars and the Narnia series show kids who have at the same time deep fear and strong resilience. In someone else’s story, kids can discover themselves. They are given a vocabulary to express their own embarrassments and fears and angers. With the focus off them, they might relax enough to open their shell.